My boy is gone. Just like that, quick as a wink, gone. Not coming home ever again.
He has moved in with his father. I am shattered, bereft, bewildered & more than a little sad. I am also miffed, confused & plain pissed off with both of them.
But I miss my boy.
I fear for him, living with his dad. I fear the example he'll be shown, I fear him becoming an alcoholic, I fear him becoming attached to someone who didn't contact his child for over a year & it all falling apart on him. I fear him being shown all the wrong ways to lead his life.
For the first time this year, I didn't see my son on his birthday, his nineteenth came & went, with no more than a text message. He didn't want to come home. I think he was with his dad on Mother's Day, I got the excuse he couldn't come to see me, he was stuck in the city. I know he wasn't.
I fear I WILL lose him forever.
I fear my other children becoming alienated from their dad. I fear the level of resentment building against him, by them already.
I fear a fractured family, siblings with so much baggage & so much damage between them, that it will never & can never be repaired.
I fear my children will not come to me at Christmas, Easter, birthdays for a happy family gathering, bringing with them significant others, spouses & in time, grandchildren. I fear having to arrange to meet them, minus one...
I fear the worst.
I hope my fears are unfounded. I hope my imagination is running amok. I hope such things abhorrent to me, never come to pass.
I hope I see the life I've always wanted for my children. I hope they, in time, love each other. I hope my boy learns the value of family. I hope his selfish, sociopathic tendencies disappear with age, wisdom & life-experience.
I hope it will all turn out just fine.
- Mad Cow
- Single mum of four. Three teenagers (18, 16 & 14) & a pre-pubescent 11 year old. I work in a primary school as an Integration Aide by day & work at home as a mother, financier, chef, cleaner, tutor, confidant, guide & disciplinarian by night. So far, kids are at home at night, not on the streets, no drug habits, or teen pregnancies, elder two hold down jobs & younger three are still at school. Fingers crossed, I'm doing something right!