It has been almost a year since my last blog post, my how time flies when you're not having fun!
A year, I tell you! A horrid year of battle. With whom? Sometimes it feels like the whole world....but mostly with myself.
A battle to get up every day, to go to work, to do my job, to be a mum, to function at all...
But I did, every stinking, rotten second of it, I functioned! Not always well, but I functioned for the kids, nobody else, just the kids.
Is the Black Dog gone? HELL NO! But I still function, I just do, do not feel, just do. I can however, see a streak of light in the tunnel ahead.
The pessimist will say it's an oncoming train, the optimist, a wonderful new beginning. I just say it's a tiny streak of light. A tiny streak of light is far preferable to the nothing, darkness that has been....me.
I still cannot feel, cannot allow myself that luxury. I used to feel two things; utter sadness or numbness. I choose numbness, it allows the aforementioned functioning.
But my interest in things returns, slowly, in miniscule drips, but it returns. My interest in writing, in doing a crossword, in organising the garage.....slowly.
One day at a time....
- Mad Cow
- Single mum of four. Three teenagers (18, 16 & 14) & a pre-pubescent 11 year old. I work in a primary school as an Integration Aide by day & work at home as a mother, financier, chef, cleaner, tutor, confidant, guide & disciplinarian by night. So far, kids are at home at night, not on the streets, no drug habits, or teen pregnancies, elder two hold down jobs & younger three are still at school. Fingers crossed, I'm doing something right!