So much to write about, so little time! I’m suffering sleepless nights at the moment. So many worries tumbling around my grey matter and they seem to like making an appearance as soon as I lay my head down for the night. In fact, the exact nanosecond I start to relax, the thoughts wake up! I'm finding Serapax is my new best friend.
There’s my impending court battle for property settlement with the ex (who refuses to visit a solicitor to get the ball rolling, after house was sold nearly 5 months ago). Why would he not want the money & the relationship LEGALLY finished, is beyond me…
There’s the Lack of Child Support; four kids, I have all of them living with me & ex has to pay for 3, but I've received nothing since he quit his job. He has a new one now!! Funny how kids cost money to keep, especially when you have to feed & clothe them.. (yes, the CSA are aware).
There’s the prodigal son, who is a worry all on his own...
There’s my mum, who is in bad health, needing a full hip replacement & until such time as she gets it, is pretty much incapacitated.
There’s work….I work with some severely Intellectually Disabled kids & many on the Autism spectrum, which is challenging & frustrating (not the kids, more the constraints, parents, system).
There’s the kids, 4 of my own & 2 ‘adoptees’ living here. Total 4 teenagers, one 21 year old & a pre-pubescent, which has it’s challenges.
Then there’s me. Recently started seeing a psych for anxiety problems (panic attacks, breakdowns..very much started by a very abusive short-term boyfriend) I’m supposed to be the strong one, the lynchpin, the role model. I felt like a failure when I couldn’t hold it together.
Recently my health has deteriorated, I have re-visited that not so wonderful bulging disc in my neck (C6 & 7). It pushes on the nerve travelling down my left arm & is excruciating, to put it nicely. I have had stomach problems (nerves or all the painkillers?) and now have a throat infection, headcold & keep sneezing, which jolts my neck & makes it worse.
An endless round of physio for the neck, counselling from the psych & GP for the pain relief, all costing money, at a time when my finances are very tight (Child Support again)…I can't help my mum, due to my own pain, yada, yada...
I know I’m one of the lucky ones, I have a roof over my head, am employed & there are a lot worse off than me, but Cosmos, c’mon, gimme a break!!