I have a black sheep, not of the woolly variety, rather the eldest spurn of my loins/offspring. The arrogant, aggressive, overbearing, LARGEST of my children. Plenty of problems over the years, both for & caused by this particular quarter of my brood.
I had him seeing a paediatric psych at an early age, for anti-social behaviour (diagnosed with anxiety & fed anti-depressants for the condition), have suspected on more than one occasion he may, ever so slightly be on the Autism spectrum (but I’m no expert..) & have coached him for many years on social queues, language, acceptable behaviour etc… Even now, at age 18, he admits to not understanding what people say or mean when they talk.
All his life he clashed with his father, I tried (in vain) to get father to see the good in his son. He is SMART, so academic, it’s not funny, he was athletic (albeit rough on the footy field & black listed by the DDJFL). He was actually head-hunted by division one football clubs, such was his size & skill on the field. He is amusing (when the mood strikes)...Alas, as far as father was concerned, there was not much good to be found. Few father-son activities really occurred.
As prodigal got older, I had father, being not such an effective parent & prodigal being the self-proclaimed ‘protector’. Prodigal tried to step into father’s role, to discipline his siblings & generally rule the roost. More clashes ensued, a battle of wits, although son was the wittier….
Fast forward a number of years:
Prodigal starts drinking (turned up drunk to school), he stays out at night, starts hanging around with a bad crowd, smoking cigarettes & self-harming (smashing up knuckles on brick walls & cutting himself).
Father then moves out, prodigal stays at home & with TONS of support, I make progress. I am the parent, not him! I set the rules, I allow the friends over to my home, supervised (& they get a piece of my mind when needed). I say “no”, A LOT! There are consequences to his actions. I think I have my boy back….
We have travelled rather well over the last two & a half years, there have been ups & downs, of course. I have had to call in the ‘tough love’ on occasion (which has been tougher on me, than him), but hey, MY house, My rules & there are younger children here…I managed to get him to finish his secondary schooling (boy, was that an effort) & now he works full-time in management, running the shifts at McDonalds. Not too bad *pats self on the back*
There are days/weeks when he is horribly rude & utterly disrespectful, both to me & his siblings. There are also days/weeks when he is helpful, courteous & kind. Last week was a VERY bad week, this week is a good week, we have a commonality & I am his ally.
Perhaps my boy has grown up? We shall wait & see....